1 in 5 couples don't think their partner is 'the one’

Less than half of single Americans believe they’ll ever find “the one,” according to new research.

A survey of 2,000 adults, half single and half in relationships, revealed just 41% of single respondents are confident they’ll find “the one.”

But they’re not alone: a fifth of those already coupled up don’t believe their current partner is their one true love.

This isn’t stopping people from searching for their soulmate, though. On average, people have mistaken someone for “the one” twice before, though a third have had their hearts broken even more than that.

Even so, love is far from a lost cause: a quarter of Americans still believe there’s someone out there who’s truly right for them (26%), with Gen X leaning most into that classic true-love mindset (28%) and Gen Z taking a more open-minded approach (19%).

For some, the idea of “the one” isn’t the ceiling — one in eight believe there could be multiple soulmates in a lifetime, proof that people are just as excited to reimagine love as they are to find it.

Monogamy still leads the pack as the relationship style of choice (47%), but the definition of commitment is expanding. Gen Z is leading the charge toward more open, flexible relationship structures (24%).

Conducted by Talker Research for LELO (https://www.lelo.com/), the survey looked into the current dating climate and explored where some of the difficulty in finding “the one” may be stemming from — regardless of what relationship style Americans are looking for.

The survey revealed that the majority of respondents feel like they’ve lost their “game” when it comes to dating. Regardless of relationship status, 56% admit they’re not confident that they’ve still “got it,” with women feeling rustier than men (60% vs. 47%).

For many daters, the struggle comes down to how much the rules have changed — nearly one in five feel like they don’t even know what “normal” looks like in dating anymore (18%).

Others find themselves agonizing over the perfect text before hitting send, second-guessing their own instincts or feeling more tongue-tied in person than they are over text (11% each).

This uncertainty has left the average person without a good date in nearly a year and a half.

​”Dating can often feel overwhelming, especially today when traditional rules no longer apply, and expectations keep shifting higher and higher,” said Luka Matutinović, chief marketing officer at LELO. “Feeling like you’ve lost your ‘game’ doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t know how to flirt or seduce; it simply shows that the dating landscape is evolving and you need to take time to get familiar with it.

“Stepping back into the dating world takes courage, and it should be fun, not an opportunity to overthink your skills, like 56% of respondents who admit they’re not confident. Before you dive in, be sure to know and understand your needs and desires so you don’t get lost in the need for connection.”

When it comes to first dates, some things are still must-dos: sitting down for a meal (65%), talking about what you’re looking for (61%) and sharing a first kiss (47%).

Meanwhile, respondents say relationship history (46%), getting physical (56%), exclusivity talk (45%) and money questions (44%) should all wait until at least date two or three.

While the blueprint for a good first date is figured out, dating itself isn’t smooth sailing — and many hold “ghosting” culture responsible for this (23%).

Social media setting unrealistic expectations (18%) and “profile performativeness,” where their date isn’t like their online self (16%) are also pain points in the current dating atmosphere.

Gen Z points the finger at endless “situationships” and commitment issues that stem from “choice overload” (17% each).

But it’s not all someone else’s fault — when respondents turned the mirror on themselves, a few “toxic” habits came to light.

The most common ones are ignoring red flags because the chemistry’s too good (16%), staying in a situationship just because the attention feels nice (14%) and overlooking incompatibility for the sake of a spark (13%).

Others admit they tend to mistake intensity or possessiveness for “passion” (11%) and are guilty of pulling away a little just to see how hard someone will chase (11%).

It turns out that the game doesn’t stop when you settle down, as plenty of couples hit their own bumps in paradise, too.

Those in relationships said that their biggest challenge in staying connected is communicating their evolving needs over time (23%); another 18% struggle with prioritizing romance instead of routine.

“By taking things slow and trusting your intuition, you lay a strong foundation for long-term satisfaction. So, finding ‘the one’ is about being confident and not rushing into things,” said Matutinović. “Whether you’re exploring a new connection or re-igniting the spark in a long-term relationship, honesty and vulnerability are your greatest assets.

“Survey respondents confirm they’ve found success in dating, even in relationships that don’t last, by taking things slow (28%), trusting their gut (22%) or being honest or vulnerable early on (22%). True intimacy thrives when partners prioritize pleasure and stay curious.”