Couples argue this many times a year about money

One in three Americans (32%) is uncomfortable discussing finances in their relationship, according to new research.

A survey of 2,000 Americans in a relationship, including 500 in a cross-border relationship (meaning that they have a partner currently living in another country) found that of those uncomfortable speaking with their significant other about money, almost half (44%) worry that discussing finances in their relationship will lead to disagreements.

This is understandable, as the average couple surveyed reported having 58 money-related arguments per year. Disagreements are more common for those in a cross-border relationship, who average 72 arguments per year compared to 53 for couples who live in the same country.

The research, conducted by Talker Research on behalf of international money app Wise (https://wise.com), revealed that younger couples also stood out as more likely to have disagreements about money — with millennial respondents reporting about six arguments per month, compared to baby boomers’ three.

Across all respondents, arguments are most likely to focus on what’s considered a “necessity” to spend on each month (43%) and how much to spend on “non-essential items” like streaming subscriptions and vacations (36%), as well as how much money should be saved (34%).

But the potential of starting arguments wasn’t the only reason why respondents said they feel uncomfortable speaking with their partner about finances.

For these respondents, almost a third said these conversations are difficult because they have different ideas about how much to spend and save (32%), while a quarter (26%) feel their partner is less responsible with money than they are.

Of those with a partner in another country, 27% also noted that conversations can be uncomfortable because culturally, their attitudes to speaking about money differ.

While arguments and discomfort in talking about money are relatively common, being aligned on finances with a partner is important to many respondents. Four in five (82%) Americans surveyed believe couples having a similar philosophy about money is key for a healthy relationship.

Despite that, only 69% of those surveyed have a similar financial philosophy as their partner.

“From cultural differences to individual preferences, how we manage our finances is personal, determined by how we think about the world and the things we value the most,” said Ankita D’Mello, Principal Product Manager at Wise. “But having conversations about money with a romantic partner is important to build toward a shared financial future.

“By learning about your partner’s attitude toward money or working together to find tools and money management techniques that work in your relationship, couples can turn typically challenging conversations into opportunities to grow closer together.”

How often couples need to talk about finances in their relationship can also be affected by their living situation. For example, 42% of couples in cross-border relationships believe they have more to discuss than couples who live in the same place.

This is perhaps why respondents with a partner living abroad are almost twice as likely to say they need more conversations with their partner about money (73% vs. 37%).

When asked what they find most difficult about managing money with a partner who lives in another country, respondents said the top issue is staying aware of currency conversion rates (36%).

This was closely followed by figuring out the best tools to use when sending or receiving money (36%) and dealing with money transfer fees if they (or their partner) needed to send money to the other (35%).

“For couples in cross-border relationships, the basics of splitting finances with a partner can become unnecessarily complex and expensive to navigate — from sending and receiving money to paying bills in multiple currencies,” D’Mello added. “To remove this added pressure from their relationship, it’s crucial for cross-border couples to find financial tools that cater specifically to their international money needs.

“As in any healthy relationship, transparency is key, which is why it’s important to seek providers that are upfront about fees to avoid any unexpected charges.”

WHY ARE SOME RESPONDENTS UNCOMFORTABLE SPEAKING WITH THEIR PARTNERS ABOUT MONEY?

• I’m worried about causing a disagreement — 44%
• We have different ideas about how much to spend and how much to save — 36%
• I believe I’m more responsible with money than my partner is — 26%
• I worry my partner will judge my financial habits — 18%
• I’m concerned about my debt and don’t want to discuss it — 17%
• My partner has more money than I do — 16%
• Culturally, our attitudes to speaking about money are different — 15%