The pros and cons of having adult kids living at home

Eighty-five percent of parents whose kids previously moved out are delighted their birds came back to the nest, according to new research.

A survey of 2,000 parents of kids in their 20s who live at home aimed to figure out what this experience of having their 20-something children at home has been like and uncovered some interesting trends.

Four in 10 had children who initially moved out (42%) — while 58% said their children have always lived at home.

For those who spread their wings and left their parent’s house, the top reasons were to experience living on their own (41%), go to college (29%) or to live with a partner (26%).

Of these respondents, a majority recall their child asking to move back in (69%) because they couldn’t afford to live on their own (42%) or wanted to save money (33%).

Conducted by Talker Research for BOK Financial, (https://www.bokfinancial.com/) the survey found that even now, half of all parents surveyed said their child still lives with them because of the current economic climate (52%).

Convenience also plays a factor in why adult kids are living at home (32%), along with wanting to be close to their family (25%).

While 45% surveyed said that their child moving back in has improved their relationship, taking care of their kids is taking a toll on parents.

A quarter of those surveyed admit they weren’t financially prepared to have their child live with them in their adult years (27%).

Similarly, 29% shared that their child rarely or never contributes to the household financially, which may be adding to the major financial strain 34% have felt over the past year.

Moreover, one in five said having their adult child live at home has had a negative impact on their own financial planning or retirement plans (19%).

On average, parents estimate that their kids will remain under their roof for another 16 months, while a third of respondents aren’t sure about their children’s tenure (32%).

“If you have adult kids living at home — which isn’t uncommon nowadays! — it’s an opportunity to model good financial practices while encouraging them to save diligently,” said Leasa Melton, manager of product strategy for BOK Financial. “But, like everything else in parenting, it’s a balance between letting them learn and helping guide them.

“They’re often living at home to save up for their next step of independence and having them in your house gives you a chance to cheer them on in a safe environment.” 

Beyond their own financial woes, 46% of parents surveyed expressed worry about their child’s ability to be financially independent.

Where’s this worry coming from? Thirty percent acknowledge that their child is in a worse financial situation than they were at their age, leading a majority of parents to have doubts about their kids being financially prepared to leave home at this time (56%).

For their children to gain financial independence, parents are calling for better job opportunities (50%) and resources for financial education or planning (28%).

Nine in 10 tried to get ahead of this, saying that it was important for them to teach their children financial lessons before they finished high school.

Whether this information took root is a different debate: just 20% grade their child’s understanding of financial matters as A or higher, compared to 27% who grade themselves the same.

There’s always time to learn, though: parents have taught their children all sorts of lessons in adulthood, primarily finance-related (66%), domestic-related (59%) and lifestyle-related (52%).

A third of parents also recall being late bloomers, sharing that all of the financial advice they taught their child was learned in adulthood (32%).

While their adult children have been living with them, parents have emphasized teaching them how to save money (77%) and budget (71%) above all.

Parents also stress the importance of paying down debt (53%) and investing (46%).

“Children might not always pick up on financial lessons when they are young,” said Melton. “But as they gain independence, living at home provides another opportunity to help them establish good financial habits, a win for both parents and their adult children.”