Why men struggle to be honest with their partner on money

Half of men have kept financial secrets from a spouse or a partner, according to new research.

In a survey of 2,000 men, 49% of those who are married or in a committed relationship (60% of respondents) shared that they have kept money-related secrets.

The most common secret proved to be a hidden savings account (14%). Other men have kept their spending habits (13%) and a credit card or a line of credit (12%) to themselves.

Among the men who kept secrets from their significant other, many said they did so because they were embarrassed (27%) or ashamed (26%), while one in five (19%) said they simply “didn’t know how to bring it up.”

Some of this secrecy appears to be a result from pressure to be financially successful — something 48% of men surveyed admitted to feeling. Of these men, 56% said the pressure comes from themselves, but 27% said they felt a societal pressure for men to be financially successful.

Conducted by Talker Research and commissioned by Beyond Finance (https://www.beyondfinance.com) for Men’s Mental Health Month, the survey examined the connection between money and mental health, and the results reveal a strong correlation.

Respondents were asked to rate both their mental and financial health on a one-to-five scale, which revealed a strong connection between low financial health and low mental health.

Men who rated their financial health at a 1 (poor) also had the lowest mental health (2.8 on average). Conversely, those with the highest financial health — a 5 (excellent) — also had the highest mental health (4.6 on average).

Despite this, a fifth of respondents said they would not be confident confiding in anyone about their financial situation.

The numbers of those willing to share their financial situation still show a general hesitance of men to open up: Less than half said they’d speak to their partner (41%), a quarter to a financial professional (23%), a fifth to their friends (19%) and roughly a tenth to their parents (12% to their mom and 11% to their dad).

“This survey confirms what we’ve long suspected — men are suffering in silence when it comes to money,” said Lou Antonelli, chief operating officer at Beyond Finance. “Financial anxiety is isolating, and many men don’t feel safe opening up. This is why we’re encouraging men to stop gambling with their wellbeing and start building both financial and emotional resilience.”

Forty percent of men said their financial situation has made them feel disconnected from friends, and this was especially true for those who rated themselves with poor financial health. Among this group, 69% feel disconnected, compared to 27% who rated their financial health as “good.”Overall, 37% of men avoid friendships that make them feel financially insecure.

“This research points to a broader cultural issue: Men are emotionally overwhelmed by money, yet afraid to seek help. Shame, secrecy and silence are driving real harm, not only to personal finances, but to relationships, careers and mental health,” said Nathan Astle, a certified financial therapist at Beyond Finance.

“This isn’t about being perfect,” added Astle. “It’s about giving men permission to be honest about where they’re at — and then helping them build a healthier, more hopeful path forward.”